Defining Longing
Longing. Longing comes from a deep place in the heart. It goes past the surface “likes” and bubbles up deep from within. The depths of the human soul can be described even as unsearchable and deep waters.
“The heavens for height, and the earth for depth, and the heart of kings is unsearchable.” Proverbs 25:3 KJV
“Counsel in a mans heart is deep water; but a man of understanding draws it out.” Proverbs 20:5 HCSB
In other words, no one is skin deep and the many issues of life stem from deep within. Sometimes feeling as if drawn from the depths of an ocean. Who has the ability to access those depths? One of an understanding spirit. One who has a discerning and understanding spirit, will cut to the heart of a matter, while the narrow and simple minded misfire from judging the surface and fruits of a thing, without ever seeking out the roots.
Men have tendencies to only show surface, for fears of the ocean depths inside drowning others, overwhelming the unsuspecting, or being misdiagnosed by those who lack an understanding spirit. While men may only show what’s on the surface, there is a deep innate desire to be understood. Those who front not to care commonly have grown callous as a result of repetitive displays of a lack of understanding and a disregard for the soulish needs that He was created with. Contrary to how culture has narrated the nature of a man, every human being was developed with deep emotions – not just women. There isn’t a human soul that was intended to be emotionless, to be devoid of empathy, or to numbly lack feeling. These are the symptoms of compounded trauma, woundedness, and learned dysfunctions from being exposed to other unhealthy relational dynamics. Men are not bricks. Men are just deeply misunderstood.
If a man didn’t receive affirmation and affection from his father, you will find in the depths of his soul a God given and God ordained longing gone unfulfilled. This is where many men end up deeply or partially misdiagnosed. The roots of anger, the roots of fear of commitment, the roots of sexually promiscuous behaviors, the lack of drive and motivation, etc. many times are just the fruits of the wounded soul of a man. That wounded soul is bleeding. Only an understanding and discerning spirit will be able to see past the surface and its various dysfunctional behaviors and into the deep waters of the heart.
We live in a society that unfortunately is quick to cast judgements. If there was a cultural “stone throwing” contest, many would quickly sign up. Why? Because everyone is looking for someone to blame and to hold accountable for the brokenness of our world and many aren’t willing to seek understanding regarding why before casting their judgements. While it’s easiest to cast judgements without seeking understanding, we shouldn’t make it a practice.
“Do not judge and criticize and condemn [others unfairly with an attitude of self-righteous superiority as though assuming the office of a judge], so that you will not be judged unfairly.” Matthew 7:1 AMP
How can you cast a fair judgement while lacking proper understanding? You can’t. This then is one of the major reasons for our broken world. The endless stone throwing game. A man of understanding is not quick to judge, criticize, or accuse. A man of understanding desires to know the WHY not just the WHAT.
You always seem angry? Why? What’s in the depths of your heart stirring such deep emotions. You have an addiction to alcohol. What deep pain are you seeking to medicate? You have an aversion to commitment? Who hurt you or let you down? You have sex with everything that moves. This is a deep one. Sex is not just a physical act meant to satisfy pleasure. While this is one aspect of sex and the one most recognized, the purpose of sex is far deeper. Sex is the act of becoming one with another soul, biblically within the context of marriage, an estate composed of 1 man and 1 woman. So what is beneath sexual diversions?Many layers. Sometimes that layer is deep roots of rejection. Sometimes that layer is fear of abandonment. Many times that layer is a lack of parental affirmation. When these deep rooted, many times multi-generational soul wounds fail to be properly addressed, we go after a “quick fix” that majority of the time is like many medications, treating symptom while creating others at the same time that are just as harmful if not worse; harmful to us and to others.
A person of understanding is after the ROOTS. Though the fruits produced by soul wounds are offensive and the very reason why many aren’t willing to drop the stone and look a bit deeper, we must fight to see past the initial offensive behavior. What is driving you to harmful things? Your broken heart, let down inner child deprived and misunderstood, precious feelings that were disregarded, and the loving affection that was never shown must be called into play. Treating symptoms all day only leads to more symptoms. We must go to the root.
Every man was made filled with longing, and rightful hopes of them being fulfilled. The good news is when they aren’t fulfilled, Jesus Christ comes to heal the wounds left in there wake.
“The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18 ESV
You will become like whatever or whoever you look to heal or save you! If you come to Jesus for that healing, you will be healed and transformed. If you look to the bottle, the blunt, the one night stand, the excessive amounts of food or food deprivation, the gym, the over working etc. you will do further damage to your already damaged soul and body. He alone is a trustworthy healer. He alone will leave you better after you’ve come to Him.
Dear friend, you aren’t alone in those deep lonely waters. Your soul wounds aren’t unique to you. Be consoled in knowing that you are not the only one who has had a hidden suffering inside. Who has felt broken and desperate to fill a void needing to be filled. You may not realize this, but Jesus doesn’t want you to fix yourself. He want’s you to come to Him and let Him do the mending and refilling.
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me[following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls. For my yoke is easy [to bear] and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 Amplified.
